cause you're a creep

Creeps are everywhere. They come up to you in the laundry room, walk by your apartment, e-mail you about what drugs they are on. They even try and confess their undying love to you when they themselves are dead inside. Reality takes us for granite. We are scared and there are no other words to describe it. The chills that run up the back of your neck when you know someone is looking always makes the heart race. The whistle of someone's shallow breath walking slowly behind you makes you grip your phone in your pocket harder. Every familiar place you call you own they share with you.

i sat on a vacant fallen tree. my jeans stuck to me by the damp moss on the log. i sat and watched the birds go by, the wind rustle the leaves, and in the faint background, a truck on the highway every once and a while. the crisp january air felt harsh on my already soar throat. the sun now slowly came through the trees with a faint golden glow outlined in fog. i waited until my hands were numb, my feet soaked, and my checks red from the wind. i sat there waiting for you, and you came, and warmed my soul. what happened to that?

this is tonight

i am a child stripped of all their beautiful innocence and joys. i am the animal stuck behind bars for no reason and no family to love or be loved. i am the one sentenced to an overwhelming white and bare room. i am bound by love. and free by choice, but my choices are canceled and numbered. few and far between, what i have enjoyed, and my outlets have one by one been taken. i am nothing more than a shell, with one goal, to get out. this cannot be broke. the circle cannot be broke. all is disrupted and everything breaks. this is tonight. 

KH08

It is really hard for me to describe what has happened to me in the past month... I feel like I have let go of every possible piece of the past, and moved to a higher level in my life. I no longer find myself reminiscing on past memories, and I realize how hooked I was on a piece of shit.

Now it is the time to start a new passage.

I recently came down to Grants Pass to hang out with a few friends, and their families. Also to visit one of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life.

The day I got here, he and I walked to the store and he showed me a sign on the side of the hill. I was confused at first as to why he was showing me a sign that little towns usually have to show off the towns name to everyone... just so they won't forget where they are. But instead of Grants Pass' initials, there were mine, and the year. I was confused, and a little in shock. My wonderful man climbed a mountain for me to show the whole town I was coming.
Who does that?!

Seriously though, it has been a perfect trip... other than being stranded here right now without a ride home. I have learned more about myself, and of the ones I love around me. I am so happy.

i wish you knew

familiar routes

lately, i have been realizing how many times a day i pass by a certain spot. how i tend to stop and notice the same things as if they were new. how when i drive, i am on auto-pilot and barely think about my driving, but let my body do it instead. how whenever i want to walk a different rout for once, i tend to take the familiar streets rather than taking a chance at something new. my body feels like an empty shell, parted from my soul. i wonder if it will ever change. or if i will just keep going on like this. i am disconnected. 

hopefull

It is a sad sad thing that we are unable to see people as just people. I fell witness to one of the saddest things today. This morning I came into work with Kate, and everything was going smoothly, until this women and this man came in the front door, the man still smoking his cigarette, and had some liquid covering his right side. There was a whole bunch of commotion and evidently the man had called this women a dyke, and a cunt. So, she in turn, spilled his coffee on him. I don't blame her. This guy evidently belongs to the methadone clinic down the street, and technically wasn't even supposed to be over here. The women was a little shaken from the racial remarks, but calmed down and drank some coffee, and decided to go for a walk. On her way back from her walk, she got attacked and beaten up by some of the guys friends from the methadone clinic. She was called a faggot, a dyke, and cunt repeatedly, punched twice in the face, hit to the ground, and banged up her leg pretty good, all the while holding the leash to her dog. No one saw. She came back into the shop, shaken, upset, and injured. She said "I should be used to this by now..." No one should be used to hate crimes in any way. It doesn't matter if you are gay, or bi, or straight, or anything, a persons sexual orientation is just that, theirs. I am very disappointed at the world. This is 2008. There is a black man and a women running for president, and yet, there are still hate crimes happening all over the place.